men doing anger

Yesterday I blogged about the minor league manager who went off on the umpire staff. This is just an isolated incident in a wider problem. Men have a hard time responding emotionally to conflict in a healthy way. There are a million mixed signals we get that don’t help the challenge. Here are a few stereotypical responses offered.

“Get in touch with your feminine side”
I have no idea what this means. Women get angry as much as men, they just usually use a different response as their unhealthy emotion of choice: Depression rather than rage and aggression. So, basically, am I to get in touch with being severely depressed instead of rageful? There is crossover here, i.e., women filled with rage, men depressed, but I need to get in touch with who I am as a man.

“Become neutral”
This kind of goes with the one above, where I am not supposed to show male or female qualities, and pretend there is no difference. My “sex,” or today’s buzzword, “gender,” is somehow to be a neutral. Whatever that means. Usually it means “neutered,” and that may be part of the problem.

“Be a warrior”
In some Christian circles we just substitute “kicking somebody’s butt” with “kicking Satan’s butt.” We get militaristic in our language and our metaphors. I stand in awe of the discipline and commitment of our finest soldiers, but I get a little wary of too much over the top “battling evil-nuking the Evil One-huh rah!” spirituality. Though, I have to admit, this is close to my own heart language when it comes to being a man walking with Jesus.

“Be like Jesus”
In this camp we hear a lot of “righteous anger” talk. Yet, as Dallas Willard has said, “I can trust Jesus with anger, I just can’t trust myself. Or you.”

God can be angry, wrathful, and generally “P-O’ed” and I understand and respect that. I place myself under that power, cringing but adoring.

Mr. Tumnus and Lucy said it best in The Chronicles of Narnia, when they were talking about Aslan, the Christ figure lion.

Tumnus: “He’s not a tame lion.”
Lucy: “No…but he’s good”