Is Marriage on the Way Out? Not With Our Baby Girl!

Here we go again. Another report of the decline of marriage. Only 51 percent of Americans adults 18 or older are married. This is different than the 72% in 1960. A sharp decline, but is that the whole picture? Let's see.

70% of adults are married now or have been at some time. 

86% of single adults say they want to be married someday.

What about daughters, age 22?

Well, one left the 86% who want to be married someday. Kristina was married Saturday to Sean Herman. A great guy and at least she gets to keep her last initial the same. 

Congratulations to Sean and Kristina with all our love...

Dad

God is for Everyone!- podcast

The "third Pentecost" as the Gentiles receive the Holy Spirit. A sermon based on Acts 10:9-48.

God_is_for_Everyone-_podcast.m4a Listen on Posterous

He Knows Your Name- Podcast

God is not far from those who seek him. A sermon based on Acts 10:1-8.

You Shall Not Pass!!

Despicable. 

Oh, we watch skinned knees and broken hearts from a bit of distance. It hurts us to the core to see our precious sons and daughters suffer, but we realize there are times it is part of growing in character and confidence that we allow them to stretch in their lives and relationships. But, when it comes to our children's souls, the core of who they are, a father protects his sons and daughters from all evil. Whatever threatens their very souls, the core of who they are, a loving father stands like Gandolf, and cries out,

"You shall not pass!"

This is not just the role of dad.

Any man worth his Y chromosomes is going to be father protector in the extened family.

Older brother.

Grandpa.

Uncle.

And any man who is given the privilege of spending time in a father's role in someone else's son's or daughter's life, the echo against evil remains.

"You shall not pass!"

Friend.

Babysitter.

Teacher.

COACH...

 

"Deliver us from evil."

Any man worth being called a man, answers to the call:

"Deliverer!"

Evil? Horror?

"You shall not pass!"

My fingers are burning right now. I don't want to short out your screens while you are reading this, so I will finish.

Fathers...Protectors...

Men...

These are our sons and daughters...

 

evil one...

and those who would follow your vile touch on their own lives...

...In the name of God,

YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!

Practical Actions on Living the Life- podcast

How does the model of Jesus inform my actions?

Confirmation Sunday 2011

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Where's Dad??

Sharing your faith with your son is not complicated. It doesn't take huge quantities of time. Sharing your faith with your son is about frequency and consistency. 

Even before we begin with the process, however, we need to understand a huge error in thinking for many fathers, that is based on the poor teaching and modeling they received, in particular in American culture. It's kind of like our dirty little secret. Here is the formula.

Spiritual= Women

Let me be more specific and say fathers in American society who identify as "Christian," fall into this trap all the time. These dads (you, who are reading this right now, may be one of them ) pray, pray at meals, acknowledge faith in Jesus, may participate in some faith practices at home, and may occasionally attend church activities. Yet, even among these dads, nurturing the faith of their children is considered mom's responsibility. 

If there are any faith practices in the home they are almost always initiated and led my mom. Bedtime prayers- mom-led. On the rare occasion that children are brought to church activities (4% of people in their 20's/ 15% of people in their 30's are regularly connected to faith communities, today in America), they are most often brought by their mothers alone. 

If you are an active part of a Christian community you have seen "spiritual widows"- women who are active in a church community without their husbands, carrying out their faith nurturing role alone. On the one hand, you admire their efforts, on the other, you ask yourself, "Where's dad?"

Getting Ready to Change the World- podcast

Paul's preparation.m4a Listen on Posterous

Paul is one of the greatest figures in world history whose influence transformed the globe. How did he begin the process? A sermon based on Acts 9.

Jesus and Paul: World-changers- podcast

Saul's Conversion- A sermon based on Acts 9

Blinded_by_the_Light...podcast.m4a Listen on Posterous

10 Calories Make Me a Man?

Dr Pepper was first sold in 1885, one year earlier than Coca Cola. Like similar drinks, it was originally marketed as a brain tonic and energy drink, first served at a drug store in Waco, Texas. Touting 23 different ingredients, one of them always rumored to be prune juice.

Well, like all products these days, Dr Pepper has to have variety. There are nine Dr Pepper drinks currently being sold in the United States. The latest version is “Dr Pepper 10.” “Ten Bold Calories” it says right on the 16 ounce plastic bottle. Except that it is ten calories per 8 ounce serving, so the honest name ought to be “Dr Pepper 20.” Or “Dr Pepper 15” for a 12 ounce can. But, I digress.

Dr Pepper 10 is being marketed as a “man’s drink.” “It’s only 10 manly calories, but with all 23 flavors of Dr Pepper.“ Apparently, Diet Dr Pepper doesn't have all the ingredients, besides just not having corn syrup for a sweetner? But, “it’s what guys want.”  O.K., I’m getting thirsty just thinking about this. It makes me want to punch somebody in the gut. I didn’t realize I was such a wuss for drinking Diet Dr Pepper, which I actually like, but with those extra calories, I can finally own up to my manhood. 

“Dr Pepper 10. It’s not for women.”

This is this the world our sons are born into. With so much emphasis on the equality of the sexes, and all the “trans,” as it were: -vestite,  -sexual, -gender, in my lifetime, we have finally found the distinct difference: 10 calories. 

Except, we fathers create the reality of what it means to be a man with our sons. Imitation being as strong as it is, there are alternatives.

Smoking cigars, drinking beer, and watching MMA? Nope, mom can do this to. 

How about treating our wives as precious? This is a good place to start. A real manly man adores his wife and makes no qualms about it.

Why?

How?

Friday.

 

Getting the Message Out to the Frontier- podcast

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In Acts 8:4-25, we see how Philip brings the message of good news to enemy territory and it sticks! The Samaritans are open to receive...

God Doesn't Eat Linguini

This is bizarre. I am watching ESPN Sports Center Monday morning and they have a segment that is taped in the Raiders locker room after the game Sunday. Let me set the scene. 

Al Davis died over the weekend, and for the Raiders, the game against the Texans is seen as the classic “win one for the Gipper” scenario. Someone beloved dies and the football team goes out and plays their hearts out in honor of the deceased. Well, the Raiders did just that. They won a close game. They followed their coaches instructions to “win one for Al.”  So, why is this so strange?

It’s not the game itself, but the locker room team meeting afterward. The players are surrounding the coach, Hue Jackson, who is teary-eyed and emotionally spent. Jackson says, “Let’s have a moment of silence.” The players are all bowing their heads in prayer. Except this moment of silence isn’t a moment of silence, because Jackson immediately starts talking! What does he say? A prayer. Nothing unusual about this, except he begins praying to Al Davis!

He proceeds to tell Al that they miss him and they won the game for him, and such. The players surrounding him are still in prayer mode as Jackson gives his tribute to his boss and hero, all in the form of a prayer.

Two things.

1. A moment of silence, the politically correct term we use now for prayer, well, if you invoke it, then be silent.

2. Don’t pray to Al Davis. Pray to God about Al Davis. Don’t pray to Al Davis because he is not God. He was a great football mind. A great innovator. But, he is not the Almighty. I know this, because I met Al Davis. 

He was eating alone at the table next to us in Matteo's in LA, back in the 80’s. Dining alone on a Sunday night after a Raider’s game. Wrinkled old clothes and wearing the patented Raider’s jacket. Mr. Davis seemed sad and lonely, but I won’t speculate. 

What I do know is God is a non-physical being, and as such, does not eat food. This is why I am confident that Al Davis is not God. God does not eat pasta and that is what Al is dining on that night!

Heartfelt sentiment Coach Jackson, but let’s remember who really is the Big Coach in the Sky shall we?

God Is Always Ahead of Us as He Uses Us to Expand His KIngdom- podcast

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In Acts 8, we see how God uses the persecution of believers to spread the good news beyond Jerusalem, into Judea, and even beyond into hostile territory, Samaria. The Christians don't go alone. They go together in the power of the Holy Spirit, mainly organized into extended families, or oikos, as Scripture records. What might oikos look like today? We don't have to ask, it's already happening...

Time: The Critical Investment Every Father Needs to Make: #4-Toddlers: Part 4- Turn off the camera!

It never really stops with the kids!

How much time do you spend electronically recording your son's life?

I have an HD video camera on my phone. Also takes beautiful digital photos. Chances are, you have the same capabilities on your phone. I also have a thin HD video camera, about the size of a credit card, and waterproof. Great for video and photos at the beach and underwater snorkeling. Obviously, no film, no cassette; only a micro SD card. 

Now, when our kids were little, Nancy had a big Canon camera with special lenses and real 35 mm film. When Kristina was born, I had a VHS video camera that needed to be rested on my shoulder with the cassette player in a separate bag. Later, with the boys, I had a micro-cassette recorder. Still heavy, but I didn't need to be lugging around an extra 4 pounds!

Today, we have tons of photo albums sitting around in various storage areas around the house. Just looked through them. I do that every couple of years. Also, we have bags of cassettes, both VHS, micro-cassette, and DV cassettes. I have no idea what is on all of those. Want to transfer them someday.  

I think of all the time I could have spent behind the view finder of those cameras long ago, and I realize now that I am fortunate the video cameras were cumbersome, and with the film cameras, you had to be judicious with your photos because you actually could run out of film, along with the fact that  you had to have the film developed! But, I really wasn't good at taking pictures and movies anyway. My loud running commentaries are funny in small doses, but get a bit obnoxious after awhile. Having an extrovert behind the viewfinder is always a video challenge. With still photos, my hands always shake, so the best pictures are from Nancy anyway. She is an excellent photographer. 

Here's the thing. Dads, today I realize how tempting it is to spend your whole time filming your little guy because he is just about the cutest, most talented child on the planet. With today's technology, you can take as many photos, and shoot as much video footage, as you want. Actually unlimited access.  So, here are a few reminders.

1. You don't want your son growing up and imprinting on you with a camera in front of your face. If this gets burned into his brain circuitry, he will have a father who is half man/ half camera. No one wants to be raised by a cyborg...yet. So, make sure you frequently give it a rest.

2. I will look at your photos from time to time, but I can take about 30 seconds of your videos. Don't think you are doing me a favor recording your son's whole life for my sake, or for the sake of others (OK, a bit more for grandparents).

3. When you are actively playing, you can't take photos and videos anyway. Does you son want action time with daddy or does he want to hear, “Ready...Action!”?

4. Your son really does exist and he really is living his life, whether you are recording it or not.

5. Video and photography are not a substitute for a father actually practicing some parenting once in a while. Yes, dad, you know who you are!

6. The precedent is set from the beginning. When your son is performing or competing in an event, let your pure joy come out by just giving your whole attention as a member of the audience or a spectator. Again, once in awhile, give the camera a rest.

Please Support Me in My Walk To End Poverty!

I am walking this Saturday, October 8th, for the LSS Community Care Center Walk To End Poverty! Go here for more information and to sponsor me. Thank you!

"Blackberry Bush Course: God the Father"

A Blackberry bush is a great metaphor for the entanglements of our lives. It's growth is rapid and eventually it seems out of control. If you are in the middle of it, no one comes out unscathed. On the Blackberry Bush Course, we discover a new way to live life. We search together to discover how God can set us free.

 All are invited to experience this freedom!

 When: Thursday Nights, beginning October 6th

6-8 p.m. Dinner included.

Where: The Hanson's (Dana and Nancy)

October 6

Session One: Why Do Bad Things Happen to Good People?

October 13

Session Two: Why is It So Hard to Get Good at Praying?

(This course is developed by Dave Housholder, author, pastor, and radio personality on "The Bottom Line with Roger Marsh & Dave Householder," Monday-Friday 3-5 p.m. on KBRT AM740. Have a listen!)

A Memorable Birthday

Greg and David just celebrated their 20^th birthday yesterday. We started Saturday night at Cheesecake Factory, and then back home for cake. Every year, more candles (thank you, Captain Obvious), and with twins, 20 makes 40 (thank you, Captain Arithmetic).

Sunday, the official day, the boys wake up and we exchange hugs and happy birthdays.  Then we recall the morning of their 18^th birthday. Memorable for two reasons...

The first thing we remember is that I wake up before everyone else, and go to the gym. After working out, I get in my Ford Explorer. There is a BMW rich man’s car parked next to me. It is half parked next to my spot and half in the spot behind him. So, when I pull out and turn right, I cut it too close and clip his front bumper!

Not a scratch on the Explorer, of course, but there is a small dent in the front panel of the Beemer. I leave a note on his car.

“People are watching me write this and they think I am leaving you my personal information. But, actually I am writing to say that’s what you get for taking up two spots for your fancy car.”

Only kidding. I tell the owner to go visit the front desk.

So, it’s back to the gym, giving the guy at the front desk all my information. There is actually a prewritten form for just this situation. What did I learn? Two things.

1.  My driving skills are suspect when I can get in an accident from a dead stop in a parking lot.

2. When you are driving an 80/ 90K car, your front bumper getting dinged costs more than 10K to fix. I know, because I saw our insurance premiums go up after that. Now it’s been two years, so I think we are back to normal. 

The second memorable thing for the boys about their 18^th birthday, is when I greeted Greg with a punch in the sternum. He looks at me with his “what the heck” stare. I say one word.

“Misdemeanor.”

As in, “You have just turned 18 and now if I hit you it will no longer be felony child abuse, but only a misdemeanor.”

We laugh about this, but I really don’t hit my kids. Really. Do not take this as evidence that I strike the boys. Actually, they used to hit me once in a while. Parental abuse. But, it was only in the arm because they are playing that stupid “Slug Bug” game. You know where you punch someone in the arm when you see a Volkswagen Beetle.  “Slug Bug yellow!”

We don’t play this anymore because when I stopped participating, I was getting hit all the time. That’s a perfect game for sons to play with their father. They get to hit you, knowing you won’t hit them back. I guess it’s a good substitute for patricide, but I don’t want any part of it. It’s time to stop.

Instead of hitting them myself to make them stop, I give them my “mean dad” Bruce Willis-scowl. This proves sufficient. No more “Slug Bug” as far as I am concerned. But, there might come a day when I resurrect the game, if only once. I’ll scream, “Slug Bug blue!” and haul off and coldcock one of them.

That’ll teach ‘em...

(Now, really, you know I am not going to do this, right? I don't hit the boys nor advocate this kind of violent behavior.)

 

Time: The Critical Investment Every Father Needs to Make: #4-Toddlers: Part 3 Too much Adult?

What is your biggest dream for your son? 

For most of human history, the future of sons was usually connected to their fathers. At around age 12, a boy began to apprentice in a trade with his father. If dad was a farmer, the son was a farmer. Dad is a carpenter, the son is a carpenter. You get the picture.

The biggest dream of any father was that his son would take his work to the next level. Farm more land or get a greater return on the crops. Expand the family business.

There were always exceptions to this practice of sons apprenticing with their fathers, but most often dads simply dreamed of their sons being a bigger and better version of themselves. Not so anymore.

With the industrial revolution, work becomes more than farming and trade. Factory work, and the entire infrastructure to make manufacturing possible, is not a place for apprentices. Sons certainly could follow their dads doing the same work, but not working alongside from the beginning.

Dads begin to have other dreams for their sons. In fact, a common dream for fathers becomes one of hoping their sons don’t follow in their footsteps, but make more out of their lives than what they did. This is often the case today. Sons are encouraged to do better in school, including making sure to go to college, or the “right” college.

Another twist to the "son doing better than dad" story is in leisure activities. Fathers work with their sons from toddler on in some sport or some hobby that dad was involved in, or wishes he had been involved in. Go to any park in America on any Saturday (or more recently, Sunday, and weekday nights for practice) and see this firsthand. Sports, from four/five year olds on, has become an American phenomenon. 

This becomes the classic scenario of dad working with his 3-year-old son to hit that golf ball, throw that baseball, kick that soccer ball, “better” than the other 3-year-old. Of course, there is always a price to pay. 

Living under constant supervision by adults is not the same as apprenticeship. Sons aren’t learning alongside their dads, as much as being observed and subconsciously graded by their dads as to how advanced they are compared to other sons their age. And creativity and imagination don’t function well when your childhood time is constantly spent under the supervision of adults. Even “creative” playtime is often overseen and structured by adults! Obviously the advent of the preschool movement becomes an influencing factor in all of this for younger children.

 Also, consider the whole concept of leadership development.  It’s difficult for sons to lead anything when dads are in charge of the activity. It is a challenge to see any son naturally rise to leadership when every step of the way adults are stressing concepts like "fairness" and “everybody gets their turn.” 

While these are certainly admirable rules to live by, the way they are interpreted, again, by adults, makes it difficult for kids to practice leadership. Interesting, at the same time, there is often talk of a leadership vacuum in our younger generations. Well, where would anyone learn leadership in today’s adult- controlling environment? 

Now, in all of this, who doesn’t instinctually know there is room for change here? Who doesn’t say or think at one time of another, “It’s hard for kids to just be kids anymore”? Quickly though, even this sentiment will disappear as children raised in this environment are now raising their own children in this environment. I'm afraid we will not know a time when the world of adult supervision was not the norm. 

 

Time: The Critical Investment Every Father Needs to Make: #4-Toddlers: Part 2 Your Son as Neighbor

Number Two:

The Bible says, "Love your neighbor as yourself." This does not mean, "Try to change your neighbor into you." Yes, you want others to imitate you as you imitate Christ, but that doesn't mean being you. With our sons this is a huge temptation. 

The greatest resource on relationships I know is the New Testament of the Bible. Especially the teachings of how the followers of Jesus are to treat each other. There isn't much specific father/son relationship teaching, but there is plenty about how to get along in community. How you treat your "neighbor." The model of how Jesus lives is key in all of this.  What would it mean to treat our sons the way Jesus would treat our sons if he were us?

The Bible teaches that our natural human desire is to be at the center of our own universe where high levels of control and manipulation take place. Using aggression or withdrawing our love and acceptance are the normal ways we deal with conflict/disagreement. This attack or withdrawal becomes the model our sons will see us use, especially with our wives, or they will experience our attack or withdrawal directly.

The Bible speaks of another way. When the Holy Spirit dwells in us as he did in Jesus, we have access to the same "fuel for living" that Jesus possessed: Grace. The pure love of God the Father. 

With this supernatural power available, we begin to model the way Jesus lived in community.  Tons of graciousness, unusual amounts of patience, and wide boundaries of acceptance, become the norm for us. On a practical level, what does this look like? Some examples.

Example: Apologizing and admitting we were wrong.

Dad: "I'm sorry. I was wrong."

Example: At age appropriate times, showing some of our own vulnerability.

Dad: "I was (am) scared, too, sometime. Then I thought (think) about God's angels protecting me and I was (am) O.K."

Example: You don't have to know everything.

Dad: "I don't know. Why don't you ask mom?" (This is supernatural influence we are talking here, isn't it?)

Time: The Critical Investment Every Father Needs to Make: #4-Toddlers: 4.1: Don't Try to Play Make Up

Your son is now at an age when he is mobile and he is curious. This is also the age when you can get him away to explore on your own. “Mom trust” kicks in a bit more, she gives you a “boys” pass, and it is time to let the fun begin! You have prepared for this day since before he was born and now…

Hold on! Time for a little self-inventory:

1. Are you going to try to give your son the focus you did not receive from your own dad?

2. Are you going to try to create a mini-me whose interests directly mimic your own?

3. Do you have dreams of this little bundle of joy being in the NBA, on the PGA, or going to Stanford for a PhD?

4. Do you keep upgrading your video and photo capabilities with new hardware and software, renewing like yesterday's magazine subscriptions?

Stop.

Look.

Listen.

1. Are you going to try to give your son the focus you did not receive from your own dad?

Memory research is showing us that our memories are selective at best. In fact, the latest studies are showing us that we remember more clearly the things we think about the least. The more we play those “tapes” from our past, the more reality and perception clash. You are not your father and your son is not you, neither now, nor when you were a little boy. So relax, take a deep breath and repeat after me:

“My son is a unique child of God. There has never been anyone quite like him, and there will never be anyone quite like him, ever."

 

and, repeat after me:

"I am a unique father for my son. There has never been a father quite like me for him and there will never be a father quite like me for him, ever."

Now, doesn’t that make you feel better? Isn't that good to know? You can imitate the best of what you can remember from your own father/son relationship, imitate solid fathers you have known or know now, and learn from fatherhood resources (like this blog!), which will help along the way.

 

 

Sermon for 9/11- podcast

We are studying Acts 7, and the stoning of Stephen. Only the true God can fuel a "no revenge" clause in our covenant together. 

Sermon_Sept_11_2011.mp3 Listen on Posterous

Time: The Critical Investment Every Father Needs to Make- #3 Infancy

The relationship between a dad and his son is the original, “old school” male bonding experience. This is a very simple truth that is often overlooked. Having an active father in a baby’s life provides a strong environment for healthy growth in all arenas. Physically, emotionally, spiritually, however you look at it, when dads are there, it is like fertilizer for a healthy life. There is no in vitro substitute for the influence a father brings.

This is not just about a dad and his son; it is about mom, too! It may “take a village to raise a child,” but the village begins with having your husband by your side, and covering your back. When I hear someone say, “Children don’t need a father in their lives,” I know this statement is not coming from a dad or from a mom who has raised kids with a dad.

If this simply means “It is possible to raise children without a father,” then, obviously this is true. The same goes for a mom. From a possibility perspective, “Children don’t need a mother in their lives,” is equally true. We just never hear this.

Practically, sharing in the tasks of raising an infant brings husbands and wives closer together. It isn't healthy to project all our needs for encouragement, joy and affirmation onto one person. Human relationships flourish as we join together with others for a common purpose. We can share work, share interests and hobbies, raise pets, and such, yet raising a child becomes the most primal, instinctual place for growth. Our capacity as men and women expands as we raise children together.

Now, dads, this doesn't mean you have to get all weird on me. I don't want to see any breast feeding apparatus like Robert De Niro, as Jack Byrnes, in Meet the Fockers (2004)! Yet, sharing in those basic infant care tasks has a ton of psychological and emotional influence, for you and your son. Here are some examples:

Holding your son closely and watching him drink from his bottle is about as close as you will ever get to seeing pure peace.

Sharing in soothing your son during nighttime fussing is not just for the sake of relieving your wife's sleep deprivation; your son is learning that you are there to bring security into his life, as well.

Changing diapers may have been a bit too much for some of our fathers to handle, but we step up. Because it is the politically correct thing to do? No, because we learn so much in this simple action. We learn that if we can take crap from our sons at an early age, we can take crap from them later! One of those lessons in "unconditional love," let's just say. O, and remember to have another diaper handy to throw over him just in case...

Taking a nap with your son lying on your chest is a great excuse to get some rest, and your son can get used to the rhythm of your heart, as he has his mom's for so much time in the womb. An added bonus is, while you are snoring because you are sleeping on your back, she won't poke you. Instead, she's thinking, "Isn't that precious..." Saw away, boys!

Now is the time to sing, pray, and give blessing to your son each night. Faith is not a "woman's thing." A habit formed from the beginning like this will have huge dividends as he grows older. Both for him and for you (I will spend a whole chapter on the topic of spiritually nurturing your son).

Yes, spending lots of time with your infant son is as much about you bonding with him as it is he bonding with you. I can't help but think of those old film clips I saw when studying Psychology, of ethologist (study of animal behavior), Konrad Lorenz, walking with geese following him. He is showing an example of "Imprinting" ("in which a young animal acquires several of its behavioral characteristics from its parent.")

Your son is not a goose, he isn't your clone, but as a dad, you have to realize how the time investment you make from day one will significantly increase the effectiveness of your influence in the coming years. Your journey has just begun. Honk! Honk!

Time: The Critical Investment Every Father Needs to Make #2: The Myth of Quality Time

Speaking of the decline in time spent by fathers with their sons in my last post, let's look at what takes place with mothers and daughters in America, only beginning much later. Daughters, who spent their lives “apprenticing” with their moms at home, were now seeing more and more of their moms entering the workplace. This shift begins during the depression, grows during WWII, with women flocking into the factories (“Rosie the Riverter”), and then continues in the post-WWII years.

For many moms this was an economic decision. In particular, lower income families didn’t have the option of mom “staying at home.” Yet with the post-war economic boom for higher economic families, staying at home becomes a choice, as well.

For many, a mom working becomes, not so much a sign of economic necessity, but a cry for freedom and liberation from the grinds of being a “housewife.” It was about being free to be your own person, and this message was usually given by those who self-identified as “Feminists.” Working outside of the home becomes a badge of honor; a statement of liberation.

So, let me see? When fathers started spending less time with their children, especially their sons, we didn’t even blink. But, take mom out of the home…Watch out!

I remember the backlash.

“A woman’s place is in the home…”

“Letting preschool/daycare raise your kids...”

“Latchkey kids...”

Yes, there is virtual silence in popular culture with the decline of father/son time, but when mom starts “doing her own thing,” she hears about it! So, what is a mother to do? The feminists tried to come to the rescue, but their message wasn’t always helpful when it comes to time. Not helpful for sons or daughters.

You see, right about this same time, a new term was coined, “Quality time.” The earliest we see this in print is in an article from the Maryland newspaper, The Capital, January, 1973.

The major goal of each of these role changes is to give a woman time to herself, Ms. Burton explained. "A woman's right and responsibility is to be self fulfilling," she said. She gives "quality time" rather than "quantity time" to each task, whether it be writing, cleaning the house or tending the children.

“Quality time” doesn’t take into consideration how learning takes place. The assumption is that intense focused time with your child is going to be as influential as “Quantity time,” perhaps thought of as “large amounts of time simply being present with your child in an unstructured, unfocused way.”

Even thinking this way you realize how this advice is easily misguided. First of all, the more time spent with someone the more opportunities there is to learn from imitation. Remember, what I said earlier? Imitation is just as important a learning tool as information. A son has always learned more than a trade or skills in living life with his father. Spending time with his father is a primary “classroom” for what it means to be a man.

Second, who is to say that by spending lots of time with your son is always unstructured and unfocused, and even if it is, who is to say that this is, necessarily, a bad thing? Unstructured, unfocused time can be the source of some real connection, can’t it? Just “hanging out with your dad” doesn’t sound so bad, does it?

Actually, even for a “quality time” advocate, if you intentionally seek to be more attentive to your son during “quantity time,” you have just given them more thorough “quality time”, anyway! Then, it is time to feel guilty, once again!

There is at least one thing we do learn from the concept of “quality time” that is helpful for fathers, however. Intentionally scheduling time to be with your son. Throughout their childhood, dads can learn to schedule activities, both structured and unstructured to invest time in their sons. Next we look at what this might mean at different stages in the life of dads and sons.

Time: The Critical Investment Every Father Needs to Make #1: Know Your Past

“Man, that hurts! But it’s so good…”

If you consider the food patterns of American culture, pizza is a “hot” commodity. According to a recent Gallup poll, pizza is preferred over all other food for lunch and dinner, in children ages 3-11. I know that was the case for our family growing up.

Pizza was not something we would eat frequently. Maybe that’s why I can still taste the pizza from Dino’s or Derango’s as I am writing these words. A distinct fennel flavor is slowing creeping into my memory bank. Yet, where there is pleasure, there is always the chance for pain to show up. With pizza this was certainly the case. Allow me to explain.

We were in the funeral business. In the funeral business you work days and nights. You have funerals, the logistics of getting ready for funerals (embalming, funeral preparations, pick-ups, dropping off obituaries at the local news room, etc.) and making arrangements with families during the day. At night you might meet with families and make arrangements, as well, if they can’t come in during the day. Also at night, you would have visitations (wakes/ showings).

Dad would frequently work both day and night. If he was working nights, this meant if he got to chance to come home at all, it would be for a quick bite to eat that you could call a “family meal.” A more accurate description would be, “family feeding.” Like throwing fish food into a tank of gold fish, when the food hit the table the frenzy would begin. 

The Hanson’s were fast eaters. “Speed-eaters.” “Hash and dash.” Usually there were four boys and dad sitting around the table, and mom in the kitchen. She brings out whatever casserole or meat and potatoes combo we would share that evening, a quick prayer, and then, “Boom!” Eat away.

It is during these quick meals we were most likely to get pizza. As a treat, and as a break for our mom (I'm naturally assuming that is why my dad did it), dad would bring pizza home, hot and ready to be eaten. The four guppies would already be gathered around the table, plates ready, dad would set the pizza’s down and then, just like other meals, it was start eating as fast as you can.

Only this time, with pizza, there is a strategy. There are only a limited amount of pieces to go around. We never had leftovers.  So, when dad would bring home pizza, we really had to be on our game. And yes, with the pleasure, comes pain.

You know what it is like to eat piping hot pizza? Where it seems like the whole roof of your mouth is burned and shredded? Well, there is only a limited food supply, so you eat through the pain! No matter, how much you blow on the cheese and sausage, there is going to be a reckoning.

“Ouch!” 

“Mmmmm…”

Every last piece eaten, and dad is out the door. Can’t stop. Can’t talk. Gotta get back work. A burnt mouth becomes a throbbing metaphor of this part my family life. Just know, you are not going to see much of dad. 

As my dad worked for his dad, it isn’t a shock that he was gone a lot. Long hours and keeping a tough schedule is just what sons do when they work for their fathers, right? Gotta earn those stripes working the family business. Yet, long hours in general just seemed to be the way things were for our generation of kids. As many of us who were raised in the “Baby Boomer” generation can attest, we didn’t spend lots of time with our dads. 

Historically, you can see why sons spending time with their fathers declined. In almost all cultures, from the beginning of humanity until the beginning of the 20th century, most sons would follow their fathers in their livelihood. Interesting that surnames even indicated what your future is going to hold.

“Bill Carpenter.” “John Smith.” “Tom Undertaker?” Well, there are always exceptions!

So, this was the way of the world. Whether it was agriculture or a trade, most sons would apprentice with their fathers. This wasn’t only about life; it was about being a man. Imitation is as important a learning tool as information. Not just learning how to do work, but also learning how to do life. 

This practice of sons spending years “apprenticing” with their fathers still continues in many cultures, yet in the world of the “Industrial Age” and following, the time spent by sons with their dads declines. 

Interesting that we don’t hear much about this shift in the way life was lived when it comes to fathers and sons. Fathers are the primary model for life ( for good or bad) since the beginning of humanity, and then suddenly (at least in historical time), poof! 

Where’s dad? He’s at work!

Did you spend much time with your dad growing up? If you did, what do you remember? If you didn't what do you remember?

(Please note: I just learned of a remedy for a burnt roof of the mouth. Use sugar. Just pour a bit on the painful area and dissolve it in. It works!)

So Why Am I Writing about Fathers Raising Sons in a Healthy Way, And Why Do I Think I Have Anything to Say?

Why Fathers and Sons?

Let me tell you a story...
Within the last month I experienced two special retreats. One weekend, I was the Spiritual Director on a Prison 3-Day retreat for 18-20 year old incarcerated young men. Two weekends later, I was a teacher and chaperone for young men on a ninth grade retreat for those youth from our church ready to make a deeper faith commitment as they enter high school.
Only a couple of years separated the young men age-wise, but life experience- wise? Different planets. The one glaring contrast between the two groups was the involvement in their lives by healthy fathers and/or other male mentor(s), Light years apart.
O, a few of the guys I've spent time with in prison over the years did have dads who mentored them. Stories of how-to jack someone up and rob him, how to steal and not get caught, how to shoot up heroin, are much too common. In those cases, whatever lesson these young men did learn- the few who did have fathers around, or other older male role models- whatever the lesson, obviously the results behind bars are less than stellar.
Now, the young men on the church retreat live no sheltered life in affluent luxury with doting fathers. but what they do have is a dad or other male mentor or two connecting with them in a helpful way.
The kids themselves are similar in many ways, but their upbringing, especially when it comes to fathers, obviously makes a huge difference. While research makes the same point, spending time in prison ministry brings these statistics to life.
Fathers and sons don't deserve this.
They deserve the joy and challenge of living life as "master teacher and apprentice." I want dads, and other adult males who have an opportunity to be a mentor, to make a difference in young men's lives.
The best model for this? Ironically, someone who was not a father. The teaching and model of Jesus as to how to live your life in community. investing in others and expanding their lives in remarkable ways, that's the key. Jesus is the superior teacher and model for fathers and sons (mothers, daughters, and everyone else, too). How to be a father to a son the way that Jesus would if he were in your situation, is a crying need for dads. For the sake of their sons...for the sake of society...
For God's sake.
Why Me?
I have always been interested in mentoring youth. In my teens, I began to teach Sunday School and coach youth basketball. My undergrad degrees are in Psychology and Secondary Education. I went to graduate schooI, received my MDiv and began working as a youth pastor in 1982. By 1991,  no longer a "youth pastor," I continued to work with kids and their parents in our Church communities: Congregation, preschool, elementary school, and middle school (where my wife, Nancy, also taught), as well as in the local community as basketball coach and mentor in public schools.
Since 1992, I have done much consulting with a national youth ministry organization,Faithinkubators, in particular working on parenting and connecting parents and kids. I have also developed a relational evangelism DVD series entitled, "How To Be A Christian Without Being A Jerk!" which has a wide usage by Christian organizations teaching outreach with the next generations.  As you saw above, I serve as Spiritual Director at a local prison (California Youth Authority for 18-25 year old young men) where we lead three-day spiritual retreats as part of Epiphany Prison Ministry.

Yet, obviously, my greatest experience and interest in fathers parenting sons is raising our own sons. Nancy and I have a daughter, Kristina, 22, and twin boys, Gregory and David, 19. We have been the key adult mentors in their lives, living in the tension of being pastor, teacher, coach, and both of us volunteers in the public schools they attended, as well as mom and dad. All this without being totally enmeshed. It can be done.
As I stated in my prior launch post, I will be writing a book on fathers and daughters in this "No Jerk" series. So, Kristina, I'm not ignoring our life together, just focusing on the boys right now!
If you read what I am writing in the next several months you will make significant progress in lfie with your son(s). You will learn from the best:

• From the best teacher who ever lived- Jesus. 
• From the best of what I have experienced as a son of a father (leaving the less than helpful stuff behind).
• From the best of what I have invested in our sons (sharing my "bonehead" moments, as well), 
• From the best of my being a mentor of scores of young men over the years,
• From the best of amazing fathers with whom I have had the privilege of sharing life together. 

For God's sake...and your son's...join me every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for the latest post.

Another Lesson from Prison- podcast

Sermon September 04 2011 by Pastor Dana Listen on Posterous

God sends His people into His world and the distinction between "clergy" and "lay" people fades away. No shackles on the Holy Spirit please!  Reflecting on my most recent Epiphany Prison spiritual retreat and how it connects with Acts 6.

Hey Dad! 10 ways to Make Sure Your Son Won't Grow Up to be a Jerk!

As many of you know, I am a pastor in LA who has been blogging for over 7 years now. My main areas of interest have to do with evangelism and discipleship, in particular reaching out to the next generations and training others to do this. My blog, "How To Be A Christian Without Being A Jerk!" has been a mixture of apologetics, relational evangelism, and discipleship training, with personal lifestyle/ current event type posts interspersed. The overall vibe has been challenging us to look again at what we all "know to be true" from a different angle.
I have been using personal anecdotes and humor (yes, much self-deprecation, of course), following the filter of "sharing the compassion of Jesus with everyone; sharing the gospel with those who are receptive." All of this in, as much as possible, a "no-being-a-jerk" zone.
I have taken a few months off from blogging now, and am ready to begin again. This time however, I am trying an experiment. Here is what it looks like.
My intention has always been working on a "No Jerk" series for Christians, and not stopping at "How To Be A Christian Without Being A Jerk!" Recently, I am receiving encouragement from writer colleagues to work on another book in the series, specifically on fathers raising sons. They are challenging me to get out the wisdom I have been sharing with them and others over the last several years, and applying it to a book which deals with dads training up their sons.
The result is the book (working title), "Hey Dad! 10 Ways to Make Sure Your Son Won't Grow Up To Be A Jerk!" Through learning from mentors, and my own modeling, sharing life, and teaching my boys about being a "man" (I am not grunting as I typed that), and then working with other fathers and sons over the last three decades of ministry, I come from a strong base of parenting sons. If you have shared life with us, you know this to be true.
In the last several months, I have begun writing the book, but I need help. I need some structure and expectations to keep me moving, and so combining blogging with the writing makes sense. This will help me make progress in being more organized about the whole project, while sharing content and soliciting feedback along the way.
All of this will be written from a filter of the Christian worldview, along the same lines as my "How To Be...Jerk!" work. This certainly makes sense, because the biblical concept of discipleship is the best model out there for dads raising sons. Certainly, as with my other writing, I am paying close attention to make sure that non-Christians will discover this book to be helpful, again, if receptive.
My wife, Nancy and I have three adult children, Kristina, 22, and Gregory and David, twins of 19. I plan on writing a father/ daughter book in this same "Jerk" series, but I am starting with sons because that's where I can be of most service right now.
In the blog, together we will explore these 10 topics (or "Ways") of "jerk prevention":
- Invest lots of time in him
- Treat him as unique; not special
- Be affectionate
- Help him face his fears
- Be an honorable husband
- Be his spiritual mentor
- Have solid friendships
- Model loyalty with integrity
- Help him retire your flaws
- Model how to protect and serve
I intend to publish entries three times a week, Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. You will be able to access them through my Twitter and Facebook feeds, along with my website www.danahanson.org.

In It Together- Podcast

The call of Stephen and the six other leaders from Acts 6 is a clear picture of working on unity in the Church body. Rob Reed teaches on this at LIFEhouse.

Sermon August 28 2011 by Rob Reed Listen on Posterous

The New "Footprints"- podcast

Sermon August 21 2011 by Pastor Dana Listen on Posterous

Where is God in our struggles, challenges and suffering? What does "joy" have to do with it all? Who dares retell the classic, "Footprints in the Sand?" 

Putting Jesus to the test- podcast

Sermon August 14 2011 by Pastor Dana Listen on Posterous

When you follow Jesus the way he designed it, great joy and confidence appear. You can test this out for yourself. 

God still heals today?!- podcast

Sermon August 8 2011 by Pastor Dana Listen on Posterous

A "How To" guide to praying for healing

What does it mean to be "holy"?- podcast

Sermon July 31 2011 by Pastor Dana Listen on Posterous

The story of Ananias and Sapphira (Acts 5) is a wake up call to following a Holy God

Being the Church Together- podcast

Sermon July 24 2011 by Pastor Dana Listen on Posterous

The first Christians give a powerful witness to what God does when we live in unity and common vision. The whole world changes!

Rescue- podcast

rescue.m4a Listen on Posterous

It's a rescue operation...When the mission goals of your local church match mission goals for congregations from your mainline Lutheran denomination...Well, there then- based on Acts 4:23-31

His Truth is Marching On- podcast

To ignore, ridicule, compartmentalize or punish those who share the good of news of Jesus just seems to get the truth out even more. How do you stop that? Truth happens.

Right Side Up- podcast

Sermon Jluly 03 2011 by Pastor Dana Listen on Posterous

The Ways of Jesus turn our lives right side up. The Ways of Jesus turn the world right side up. Why wouldn't you want this to happen?

Bringing Fire to the Frontier- podcast

Sermon June 26 2011 by Pastor Dana Listen on Posterous

A sermon based on Acts 3. Kudos to Mike Breen for concept.

This is what I've got...the name of Jesus!- podcast

Under His authority and in His name, the power of Jesus is available. How do we receive it?

Sermon_June_19_2011_-_Having_the_Right_Stuff.mp3 Listen on Posterous

Temple and Home: Building Community-pocast

Sermon June 12 2011 by Pastor Dana Listen on Posterous

What we learn from the rhythm of life of the first Christians.

The Wait is Over...He's Here!- podcast

Sermon May 29 2011 by Pastor Dana Listen on Posterous

The Holy Spirit continues the work of Jesus on earth.

Explaining the Trinity podcast

Sermon May 8 2011 by Pastor Dana Listen on Posterous

The Holy Spirit doesn't take the back seat to God the Father or Jesus. Far from it.

The Trinity Explained- podcast

How is God three persons in one and how do you

Sermon_May_8_2011.mp3 Listen on Posterous

explain the Trinity? Enter in the Holy Spirit and you're on your way. A simple (not simplistic) way to begin.

 

When the Holy Spirit shows up for good- podcast

We have access to the power of the heavens with the coming of the Holy Spirit at Pentecost. What does this mean for the first Christians and what does it mean for us?

Sermon_May_22_2011.mp3 Listen on Posterous

"The Book of Acts"= "Jesus: Part Two" - podcast

Sermon May 15 2011 by Pastor Dana Listen on Posterous

"The Book of Acts", or "The Acts of the Apostles", as it is known, is really, "The Acts and Teachings of Jesus as He Works through His Spirit through His Followers"..."Acts" it is!

Acts 1:

The very best book written about heaven is....

There have been so many books written about heaven, the afterlife, what's it going to be like after I die? and everything in between. In the fiction and non-fiction categories. Heaven Is For Real, The Shack, Love Wins, you name it; I have read most of them.

But, I'll bet you haven't. At least I will guess most of you have not read by far the best book I have read so far on the topic of "what's heaven like?" It is a fictional account about a father grieving after the death of his best friend, his daughter, and his mother; all within two years.

I could continue with a deep insightful review, but before you spend another dime on another "heaven" book- Read this!

Room of Marvels, by James Bryan Smith

what does "gospel" mean?

The word "gospel" comes from the Old English, god+spell, or "good" "word" (think of the word, "spelling"). Now you know where they got the title for the 70's musical, "Godspell."

There are many different ways of expressing the good news. The four main books that record the story of Jesus in the Bible, Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, are all called "Gospels," as in "The Gospel according to ..." What each of these Gsopel writers say about the "gospel" is helpful.

Matthew

Matthew doesn't specifically say what he is writing. He starts his book off with a geneology to show the legitimate connection between "Jesus the Messiah," Abraham and King David. Jesus is the one of whom the Jewish people are waiting.

Mark

Mark starts his gospel by specifically stating it is a gospel, or "good words (news)."

"Here begins the Good News about Jesus the Messiah, the Son of God." (New Living Translation)

Luke

Luke is probably writing to a benefactor and/or friend, "Theophilus" ("Lover of God"). Luke gives his reason for writing at the beginning.

"Most honorable Theophilus:

Many people have written accounts about the events that took place among us. They used as their source material the reports circulating among us from the early disciples and other eyewitnesses of what God has done in fullfillment of his promises. Having carefully investigated all of these accounts from the beginning, I have decided to write a careful summmary for you, to reassure you of the truth of all you were taught." (NLT)

John

With John, what is most interesting is how he ends his gospel. 

"This is that disciple who saw these events and recorded them here. And we all know that his account of these things is accurate. And I suppose that if all the other things Jesus did were written down, the whole world could not contain the books." (NLT)

what does "evangelism" mean?

"Evangelism" comes from the Greek word, euangelion (εὐαγγέλιον),  which translates, "good message," or "good news." In the Christian faith, we speak of the good news as the message of Jesus that is recorded in the Bible. We say this is a message sent from God. You can see a clue to this meaning in the very word, "evangelism."

EVANGELISM...

Get it?

Sometime's, it's all about the question...

"Are you saved?"

"Do you have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ?"

"Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal Savior?"

"Did you receive the Holy Spirit when you believed?"

Now, which of these questions is actually in the Bible?

Only the last question, from Acts 19:2.

Interesting that the other three questions have been commonly used in various "Evangelism" training resources.

"Did you receive the Holy Spirit when you believed?" Not so common.

Why is this? 

 

 

Begin Again: Creation and Easter- podcast

Sermon May 1 2011 by Pastor Dana Listen on Posterous

 

It's a whole new world, beginning with the first day of the new creation.

Son Power- Easter podcast

Sermon April 24 2011 - Easter by Pastor Dana Listen on Posterous

The resurrection of Jesus, the first day of the new creation, and the power that follows- Alleluia

Why Did Jesus Have to Die?- podcast

Sermon April 17 2011 by Pastor Dana Listen on Posterous

Can't get any clearer than this...

Begin Again: Creation and Easter- podcast

Sermon May 1 2011 by Pastor Dana Listen on Posterous

It's a whole new world, beginning with the first day of the new creation.

Son Power- Easter podcast

Sermon April 24 2011 - Easter by Pastor Dana Listen on Posterous

The resurrection of Jesus, the first day of the new creation, and the power that follows- Alleluia

Why Did Jesus Have to Die?- podcast

Sermon April 17 2011 by Pastor Dana Listen on Posterous

Can't get any clearer than this...

There is no confusion about this in Christianity or "What you will never hear from an American President..."

Let me understand...

Last night, President Obama said this. "...we must also reaffirm that the United States is not –- and never will be -– at war with Islam.  I’ve made clear, just as President Bush did shortly after 9/11, that our war is not against Islam. Bin Laden was not a Muslim leader; he was a mass murderer of Muslims."

O.K.

Check.

I got it. This is not an Islamic thing.

Then I read this. "After bin Laden was killed in a raid by U.S. forces in Pakistan, senior administration officials said the body would be handled according to Islamic practice and tradition."

All right, now I am confused. I know Osama bin Laden is not a Muslim leader. We've been told this about a million times. Trouble is, no one told him that. For example, here is how he bookends just one of his "talks" to the American people.

"Praise be to Allah who created the creation for his worship and commanded them to be just and permitted the wronged one to retaliate against the oppressor in kind...And Allah is our Guardian and Helper, while you have no Guardian or Helper. All peace be upon he who follows the Guidance."

So, I guess he is a Muslim leader, after all, or at least a leader who is a Muslim. Or at least he thought so. This is confusing.

This kind of confusion can't happen for someone who follows Jesus. A Christian doesn't have any support if he is calling himself a "Christian" and he is using his faith as a blanket criteria to strike out violently against his enemy. Jesus talked about "forgiving your enemy," "praying for your enemy," "turn the other cheek," and all the rest.

Nothing about "retaliating against the oppressor."

Those who followed Jesus followed his lead, and didn't strike out violently against some of the worst oppression the world has ever known: First century Roman Imperialism. In fact, one of the top leaders in the early Christian community, Jesus' right hand man said this, "Honor the emperor." (1 Peter 2:17) (!!)

The fact is, you may call yourself a "Christian" and use violence in the name of your faith, but you don't have any support to do so. Jesus wouldn't claim you as one of his own because the teachings and model of Jesus and the Church he designed forbid using violence in the name of your faith. There is no confusion about this.

(This is not about Christians serving in the armed forces and such. That is another topic. One's faith obviously informs the decisions one makes in life, including being a soldier. But, this is not a criteria of any "Christian" governing system)

That's why it is impossible for there to ever be a Christian nation, or a Christian army, or any such thing. Jesus, and the New Testament Church that followed, didn't leave us with any system of government. In fact, there is no Christian ideology which can be used to rule as governing law.

Now, let me be clear, individual Christians have a system to guide our lives. Its called, "Following Jesus." Sometimes we might even refer to it as law. It is called the "Law of love," based on this teaching of Jesus.

You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.’ And, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” (Luke 10:27)

There is no confusion about the Christian faith on this topic.

That's why you are never going these words coming from an American President. 

'...we must also reaffirm that the United States is not –- and never will be -– at war with Christianity.'

Think about this deeply.

 

 

How so many "evangelism," "post-modern," "next generation," etc., "experts"- completely miss the obvious...

Yesterday I talked about why 20+ year olds are scarce in churches. The number one reason they aren't in our worshipping communities at its most basic:

"They don't want to hang out with us."

But, why?

Here are the usual suspects given for why "post-modern" young person aren't connected to your churches. There are hundreds of books and thousands of conferences that are basically rehashing most of these "reasons" most of the time.

• Christians are too judgmental
• "Church" is irrelavent
• "Church" is boring
• "Church" is old-fashioned
• "Church" is filled with hypocrites
• Next generation young people are relativistic ('there is no truth"), and so they don't see why they need the exclusive Christian gospel
• Next generation young people don't "join" anything anymore

 

You could add to this list, but you get the picture. We can make observations about every one of these "reasons," (and who knows, maybe we will...) but they all miss two obvious points.

First, no matter what you do as a congregation, young people are probably not going to show up to your worship services (let alone on your church campus). They don't wake up on a Sunday morning (or Saturday night, for that matter) and suddenly say, "I think I need to go to church."

We do a disservice to the people of our church communities if our "evangelism strategy" solely consists of, "Invite someone to church." We set people up for failure from the beginning, if success means, the people they invite show up.

Now, that's not saying someone will never respond, "OK, I think I will," and then come.

I'm not saying don't invite.

I am saying we live in an age where going to church is not on too many people's radar, let alone people in their 20's! If this hasn't become obvious to you where you live, it's "coming soon to a theatre near you."

No matter how awesome-

the church buildings/ campuses/ worship services/ preachers/ programs/ bands/ dance troupes/ high wire acts/ espresso machines/ manicures and pedicures/ miniature golf courses on campus

are...

no matter how annointed, and how they are the epitome of excellence-

 everything you do "in house" is, by default, not going to be very condusive to connecting with potential followers of Jesus.

Again, you may get Christians from other churches to come to yours (even highly devoted young people in their 20's), but real Kingdom expansion?

Not likely. 

So, the first obvious point is this:

The "church" goes out to the people.

I mean, if Ariel can figure it out from "Little Mermaid," 

"I wanna be where the people are..."

so must we.

I've got lots more to say about this, and can even witness to what this might look like in your community, but not yet. 

The second obvious point? Let's get personal. It's all about you. It's all about me.

Ask yourself this question,

"Am I the kind of person someone wants to hang around with?"

Now, a tougher question,

"Am I the kind of person a non-Christian potential follower of Jesus wants to hang around with?"

Now, even tougher,

"Am I the kind of person a non-Christian potential follower of Jesus in their 20's, wants to hang around with?"

It starts with you, personally. It starts with me.

Unless you are the kind of person someone actually likes, I don't care what you say or do, most people aren't going to spend much time with you.

And because the "church" consists of a bunch of "you's"-  that is a challenge.

The reverse is also true.

If someone authentically likes you, if you are someone they actually want to spend time with, that's a huge Kingdom step.

So, how obvious can this be, huh? And how rare anyone actually starts right here at the source.

So, here is tremendous nugget I can give you that has the potential of being an influence for eternity on someone else, even in their 20's:

 

"Go out to where the people are and be the kind of person someone wants to hang with."

Unless we start with ourselves personally, and unless we get out more, nothing else is really going to matter much in the long run.

Now, give me your $500 evangelism conference fee.

Or, maybe I' ll just give you this for free.

And I've got more...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

the number one reason you don't see 20 year olds in church...

Most of us have seen the statistics of involvement in church communities from a generational standpoint. Something like 4% of all 20-30 year olds attend church on an average weekend across America. 4%. 

If you happen to have lots of 20 year olds involved, praise God. Whether they are highly motivated Christian kids who came from other churches and choose to connect with yours instead (that doesn't increase the Kingdom, but at least they are involved), or if the young people in your church were not Christians but have been reached through your community, even better. Yet, the fact is, you can have the most dynamic ministries for the younger generations in the world, and the percentage of those actviely involved still remains the same, 4%.

Why?

Is it about the style of worship services? 

Is it the music?

Is it the preaching?

Is it the look of the campus?

Maybe it's all of those reasons. Or, maybe it's none of them. 

If we use an "Occam's Razor" approach, where "one should not increase, beyond what is necessary, the number of entities required to explain anything," in other words, "look for the simplest answer," then here goes:

For whatever reason, 20 year olds don't want to hang out with you. At least not hang out with you at worship.

And if you are in your 20's and your church community has lots of 20 year olds, I don't want to ruin the party, but they don't want to hang out with you at worship, either. If they did, it wouldn't be 4%!

So, where do we begin?

Let's check in tomorrow... 

 

 

the number one reason you don't see 20 year old's in church...

Most of us have seen the statistics of involvement in church communities from a generational standpoint. Something like 4% of all 20-30 year olds attend church on an average weekend across America. 4%. 

If you happen to have lots of 20 year olds involved, praise God. Whether they are highly motivated Christian kids who came from other churches and choose to connect with yours instead (that doesn't increase the Kingdom, but at least they are involved), or if the young people in your church were not Christians but have been reached through your community, even better. Yet, the fact is, you can have the most dynamic ministries for the younger generations in the world, and the percentage of those actviely involved still remains the same, 4%.

Why?

Is it about the style of worship services? 

Is it the music?

Is it the preaching?

Is it the look of the campus?

Maybe it's all of those reasons. Or, maybe it's none of them. 

If we use an "Occam's Razor" approach, where "one should not increase, beyond what is necessary, the number of entities required to explain anything," in other words, "look for the simplest answer," then here goes:

For whatever reason, 20 year olds don't want to hang out with you. At least not hang out with you at worship.

And if you are in your 20's and your church community has lots of 20 year olds, I don't want to ruin the party, but they don't want to hang out with you at worship, either. If they did, it wouldn't be 4%!

So, where do we begin?

Let's check in tomorrow... 

 

A Message for Every Pastor after Easter...

Who was the worship band at the largest Christian worship service ever? I have no idea.

What was the theme of the sermon that day? Don't know. 

What was the offering? Why?

What is worship? By definition, "Ascribing worth." Claiming worthiness."  

The worthiness of whom? The church? The pastor? The band? the choir? 

Worship is about ascribing worth to God. 

That's it.

Good to remember for those of you who were disappointed because you didn't see the crowds you wish there would have been this Holy Week and Easter. Your sanctuary wasn't overflowing. I don't take this lightly as some of you are my dear friends. You may not even mention it.

Or, as happened at LIFEhouse, it's good to remember that worship is about Jesus, not how many people show up, when your attendance this last week was bigger than you can remember. More guests than ever. I don't take this lightly because some of those guests were invited by our community, and some sent by God. But, when we talk, I probably won't mention it.

Because, really, for all of us, only two things matter.

1. God is praised. 

2. Someone starts a journey to a new life rather than choosing the death of life without God. I'll guarantee that happened everywhere you proclaimed the risen Lord.

So, if  you had 10 people in worship or 10,000, Christ is still risen; And that is still a big deal.

 

Oh, and by he way, American Idol had almost 50 million in attendance last week.  

Aw, they probably had better music...