is anyone listening?

You are almost never going to move someone quickly, if at all, from their worldview to yours (I said “almost never,” for there are exceptions), however influence is possible. The best way to get someone to see where you are coming from is to be as clear and non-threatening as possible. Anything that challenges people’s worldviews will evoke an emotional response. I heard a radio host talk of a study of this in brain research (though I cannot find it anywhere on the net).

People were chosen who strongly supported Senator Kerry or President Bush from the last election. Their brains were wired for response from the emotional response center, the pleasure center, and the judgment center. The subjects were then given factual accounts that called their candidate into question about certain issues. Instantly the emotional center was firing, but nothing in judgment. Only later did another area fire, and that was the pleasure center. The subject was rewarded for being passionate about an issue but not really thinking about it!!

You can see how difficult it is to get someone else to authentically listen to your point of view if it disagrees with theirs. This is why invitation and listening are more important than commanding a response and debating. A popular phrase for this is “bringing light rather than heat.”

The challenge is with so much narcissism out there (and in ourselves, perhaps?), few people are self-differentiated enough to actually listen to what someone else has to say. Usually we are thinking in our own minds why what the other person is saying is wrong and how we are going to refute them. Or we don’t listen at all.